My mind is too occupied for what I want my life to be like. That probably makes no sense, and I am almost sure I could reword it better. I never have any time to decompress or just think about God. Never enough time for what I want it seems. I almost can't wait until I get out of college. Maybe I won't go straight into the workforce, but as soon as I just though that, lovely student loans popped into my head. Perhaps I can pay them off before I graduate. I am burdened. I feel alot of weight on my shoulders. It truly is only God who is getting me through all of this. Yes, I am not living in complete satisfaction with my life now, but I feel pretty darn content. I do want things. I want the abillity to have some truly free time. I almos wish I was back in Peru. It was so relaxing there. I don't know how people who do not have Christ live a life as busy or busier than mine. It must seem so meaningless. It seems there are things that I cannot express at all or I rather don't want to but can only be expressed by a sigh that breathes an ounce of sadness and a pound of pressure. Sigh.
I love music and the release it gives me. Good music. Naturally, Thrice. I eagerly await when I will be able to scream out all of my pains and fears onto that concert floor amidst the waves of bodies.
I want to be part of God's action right now. I want to be in the middle of his plans and workings. I want to be part of what he is doing, who he is saving. I don't want to be an onlooker or a seeker anymore. I want to be there.
May I seek love and acceptance and attention from God above all people, things, and authorities.
