9.30.2008

...i'm building a time machine, to take my time...

Yet again in the midst of so many things to do, mainly study for two hellish accounting exams (audit and intermediate accounting two), I write in this. 

My mind is too occupied for what I want my life to be like. That probably makes no sense, and I am almost sure I could reword it better. I never have any time to decompress or just think about God. Never enough time for what I want it seems. I almost can't wait until I get out of college. Maybe I won't go straight into the workforce, but as soon as I just though that, lovely student loans popped into my head. Perhaps I can pay them off before I graduate. I am burdened. I feel alot of weight on my shoulders. It truly is only God who is getting me through all of this. Yes, I am not living in complete satisfaction with my life now, but I feel pretty darn content. I do want things. I want the abillity to have some truly free time. I almos wish I was back in Peru. It was so relaxing there. I don't know how people who do not have Christ live a life as busy or busier than mine. It must seem so meaningless. It seems there are things that I cannot express at all or I rather don't want to but can only be expressed by a sigh that breathes an ounce of sadness and a pound of pressure. Sigh.

I love music and the release it gives me. Good music. Naturally, Thrice. I eagerly await when I will be able to scream out all of my pains and fears onto that concert floor amidst the waves of bodies. 

I want to be part of God's action right now. I want to be in the middle of his plans and workings. I want to be part of what he is doing, who he is saving. I don't want to be an onlooker or a seeker anymore. I want to be there.

May I seek love and acceptance and attention from God above all people, things, and authorities.

9.06.2008

...refine hate and love, fall afresh on me...

My prayer is that God would create love and hate in me. I pray that every aspect of my life would reflect how the Lord lived, and lives. If anyone caught the reference in the title, Thrice's "Identity Crisis" is a extremely accurate representation of how I feel most of the time. John 14:21 says: "Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him." I won't explain or comment on that. Read it, if anyone reads this.

That is my short update in the middle of my procrastinating.