11.25.2008

...no regrets, just rebirth, move forward, and ignite...

Regardless of my situation, in any time, in any moment, God has given me the greatest gift to give. Salvation. Salvation from a loving, deeply personal, and relational God who is interested in me. No matter my food, my clothes, the roof over my head, I have salvation. Though I am downtrodden I will see a glorious light. Though I may have no companion, I am not alone. He is my first, he is my foremost. Who can measure up to the Christ? Set aside the pain, the old is gone, I am set apart, I am ignited.

11.24.2008

...i walk with eyes closed tight through monuments of grace...

I was in a moment when the world was shut out. Shut out of my mind. It on the outside, I on the inside. What a moment. It was as if the music shut me in, silenced me, brought me in. I was so enclosed in this peaceful area, in time, in space. My pen and the page flicker with inspiration. I find time to be entirely focused, yet entirely free.

So I was at ACCESS which is Northside Baptist's ministry for youth and college people; young adults in general. At this meeting, amongst floods of other thoughts, truths, and emotions, I found a amazing sense of isolation as the band finished their music set list as the rest of the crowd was dismissing. It was such peace and entanglement in the music and the moment and God. How wonderful. How simply wonderful. What peace.

I figured I would crank out a simple blog entry before I finished the last (?) major assignment I had for the semester. I always write in this the instant before I need to do work. Procrastination is productive to blogging. Go figure. Procrastination is my muse! Well that would be a laughable situation I think. I digress...
So I will be living at home next semester and commuting I have decided. I think my parents want to remodel our attic above our garage into a expanded room for myself. I wouldn't mind that. Being at home next semester should be pretty cool. I will save a ton of money and I might perhaps live there next year. I would be able to start saving again which would be awesome. I love my family dearly and really want to get to know them more and be able to help build them up.

Onto something more heavy on my heart. Confusion, indecision, fear, weakness, and uncertainty. Faith, growth, hope, and brokenness. All these things I feel and am experiencing, for better and for worse. As I wonder whether to write what comes next or to simply bottle this all back up inside and leave my mind to the mercy of my thoughts, I do realize that I worry far too much about things. I hide myself from the world at times. I am very free to express my feelings about many things, but I am severely reserved in...certain aspects.
But all other things shall fade away
While love stands alone and still holds sway
All other things shall fade away
Into the ground, into the grave
As I was thinking, this song naturally came up, bringing me to rethink things. This is not the place to talk about this.

11.22.2008

...tidings of comfort and joy...

Once again, the winter comes, and once again, a certain joy returns to me, a joy, a happiness, a gladness to be alive that only rings through the silent muffled snow covered nights. I enjoy winter. Can you imagine the perfect winter night? I would have walked outside, donned my scarf and mittens, craned my neck to the sky and basked in the beauty of the slowly falling jumbo snowflakes. No wind, the night is simply silent and hushed by the snow. The streetlight shines on the snowflakes as if they were tiny mirrors. Winter is good. 

So life has been pretty good. I have joy. I do struggle and suffer in life though. These things will fade away and I am certainly now free in Christ Jesus. That is all I have to say about that.

Just ordered a Thrice live DVD. Cannot wait for that to get here. Also I am about to buy Dustin Kensrue's Christmas album which is phenomenal in my opinion. Great. 

Christ is savior and the beauty of this world.

11.05.2008

...won't you break free?...

Well I am having an absolute identity crisis, no, rather a...ah I don't know what to call it. Let's just say that I am at a crossroads in my life. Granted, this crossroad exists mainly in my head. Holy moly I am totally freaking out. 

Ok so here is the deal. One path (and I am making this cut and dry, one thing or the other, and not considering grey areas right now because...well maybe there are no grey areas for me right now) as I was saying, one path has me graduating college, going to work (hopefully if I can even get a job) with an accounting or finance firm, and working for quite a while. My other path that I see is (and this sounds absolutely radical, a dream, and crazy as I write this down) that I basically start a band and be a musician. Holy crap that is so vague and I have no clue what that might look like in the future. The mystery intrigues me though. It certainly would make me trust the Lord more. I certainly would not choose that path for that reason alone of course. Basically a passion, a flame, inside me is being stoked and growing for music. I really want to write songs and just get better at my instruments (voice, guitar, drums, keys, etc.). I can't seeminlgy kick this passion and I really want to pursue it. Holy crow. What am I going to do? Will I make a black and white decision? Is this where God wants me to go? MY HEAD ASPLODE. I don't know what to do! Holy guacamole. I was just watching a Hillsong YouTube video and I was thinking, well I want to be and do that. Now I want to DO that. I mean I want to write and sing songs with a purpose, with passion, with depth, with golry for God! 

Help. I am three years into an accounting and finance degree and I enjoy my studies (not necesicarily the classes) and I can envision going into this field when I graduate. I think the Lord can use me there. However, I do not feel a emotional passion like the one I feel for music. Help.

11.02.2008

...in the desert, he was there...

Well, big surprise, I am writing in this whilst I procrastinate. Let's see I basically have an audit test Tuesday that will more than likely not shred all confidence I have academically. I love accounting.

Enough of the snarky sarcasm, it really doesn't do any good. 

This semester has been difficult. Life has been difficult. There are so many questions floating, flying, crashing in my head that I don't really feel peaceful too often. That must change. Christ gives all-surpassing peace that should blow away anything this world throws at me. I love the latter chapters of John (14+) they contain so much straight from the mouth of the Lord that it is naturally bound to have greatness.

Wow, I am tired. Ok forget the rest of what I wanted to type about, I need to rest. Maybe later.