11.05.2008

...won't you break free?...

Well I am having an absolute identity crisis, no, rather a...ah I don't know what to call it. Let's just say that I am at a crossroads in my life. Granted, this crossroad exists mainly in my head. Holy moly I am totally freaking out. 

Ok so here is the deal. One path (and I am making this cut and dry, one thing or the other, and not considering grey areas right now because...well maybe there are no grey areas for me right now) as I was saying, one path has me graduating college, going to work (hopefully if I can even get a job) with an accounting or finance firm, and working for quite a while. My other path that I see is (and this sounds absolutely radical, a dream, and crazy as I write this down) that I basically start a band and be a musician. Holy crap that is so vague and I have no clue what that might look like in the future. The mystery intrigues me though. It certainly would make me trust the Lord more. I certainly would not choose that path for that reason alone of course. Basically a passion, a flame, inside me is being stoked and growing for music. I really want to write songs and just get better at my instruments (voice, guitar, drums, keys, etc.). I can't seeminlgy kick this passion and I really want to pursue it. Holy crow. What am I going to do? Will I make a black and white decision? Is this where God wants me to go? MY HEAD ASPLODE. I don't know what to do! Holy guacamole. I was just watching a Hillsong YouTube video and I was thinking, well I want to be and do that. Now I want to DO that. I mean I want to write and sing songs with a purpose, with passion, with depth, with golry for God! 

Help. I am three years into an accounting and finance degree and I enjoy my studies (not necesicarily the classes) and I can envision going into this field when I graduate. I think the Lord can use me there. However, I do not feel a emotional passion like the one I feel for music. Help.

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